Bruni Redux

That's word because you know
You can't touch this (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
You can't touch this (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Break it down!
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Stop! Bruni Time!

Look! I was going to enjoy my Wednesday like any other good New Yorker and simply read the Dining Out section without falling into a self-righteous rage; I figured that Augie's affronts actually draw responses from The Man, and the brain behind the Bruni Digest is far wittier than I. So, I was resigned to simply eat on, discussing the pleasures and pitfalls of the Marsanne and Rousanne varietals this morning.

And then...
A little after midnight, The Paper of Record's website updated, and I found myself staring down the meta-mine's cyber shaft at gastronomical gold, their most anticipated article since the Jayson Blair retractions: The Del Posto Review. Since Fox prudently pulled the ill fated dramedy "Kitchen Confidential," the Batali-Bruni feud is the biggest soap opera in the City's citadels of savory. Appearing in time for the Spring season, the opener did not disappoint!
The first oddity was not the stars or the writing (but, ohhh that shakepearean rag/so intelligent/so elegant... we shall get there soon enough.) No, dear readers, I was struck by the fact that for several hours, the online department opted to omit Bruni's name from the review, leaving it sans byline. I am sure that the absence was accidental, but in the business, that variety of slip is dubbed "Freudian."
As for the punchline... Nope! No fourth star today! (Maybe Hesser should have written the review; she doled out the stars with the reckless abandon of an elementary school teacher grading spelling homework.) I must put aside my love of Schadenfraude and give The Man credit; the piece was actually very well written, and the marks were well justified in reality as well as print. The author invokes metaphors in a timely and natural fashion, using semiotic oppositions such as "regal" and "populist" alongside a few attempts at the conceit (as opposed the all too familiar "conceited.") FB invokes the concept of "editing" several times which is probably more applicable to his writing than the restaurant; it is evident that he is not unaware that his famed "Black Crowes" review is responsible for Del Posto in the first place, and dedicated far more effort to wordsmithing than in previous weeks. Further, I found the actual meat (pun intended) of the work to be accurate and in agreement with my own experience as well as those of my friends.
Of course, the previously publicized criticisms of the critic are still valid. At upper echelon restaurants like Per Se any employee worth their salt (service) recognizes Frank on sight, and adjusts their service accordingly.
(Note to Frank: Didn't you find it odd that you were served by the same captain three times at said establishment?)
(Note to All: How does a critic masquerading as Every-Eater get so many resies at said eatery?)
Regardless, even at lesser caliber institutions, yearbook photos from the suburban NJ Prep School attended by Bruni's scout circulate in hopes of a heads-up.
Frankly, (sorry, I couldn't resist) there is still much work to be done, but for today, one gold star is awarded to FB.