O Captain, My Captain

A year or so ago, Per Se received some press for their decision to hire a ballet master to train their staff; most restaurants do not take such steps (coughh, publicity stunt, cough, cough;) however, any top tier eatery offers a choreography that would make Balanchine proud. When it breaks down, the result is little more than maddening, as one is annoyed and the check seems to have disappeared to a cave on the border of Pakistan, but when the dance is performed properly, a masterpiece is manifest. The plethora of plies and pirouettes service witnessed at most fine dining establishments are a product of the "captain system," a service standard generally acknowledged to be popularized statistics by New York's late, legend, Lutece.

How It Works...
What a layman would title as a "waiter" is in fact the captain. This individual holds an extensive knowledge of the restaurant's menu and most culinary concepts; they are responsible for taking the customer's orders, answering questions, generating a warm atmosphere, and explaining the food when it is presented. However, a captain rarely carries the actual food to the table.

Said task is the domain of the waiter. Well, actually, the "second waiter," but we'll hold off on him for a moment until we discuss the "first waiter." The first waiter reviews his copy of the table's order and is tasked with outfitting the table with the proper stemware, silverware, dishware, and underwear. (Semper ubi sub ubi!) His job is not to interact with the table, but simply to watch them voyeuristically, but inconspicuously and alert the captain should he note a need.
(When the captain does rise up and hear those bells, his job requires a mastery of minutiae to explain such details as the oceanic origins of the fish or the method of cooking to sate the likes of me.)

Now, we return to the second waiter, the salty little brother of the peppery captain. Thanklessly, this character serves as the bridge between the philosophically feuding front and back of the house. He takes orders to the kitchen, and delivers their wares to the table, but never interacts with the customer.

At the bottom of the food chain (double entendre intended) is the busboy. Alas, this thankless position is tasked with the dirty work of clearing the tables, filling the water, and folding the napkins during any sojourns from the table.

Also in the mix is the head waiter or maitre d'hotel who oversees the entire affair, and the sommelier who acts as a specialist dealing only with wine. In addition to pouring for patrons, a good sommelier will be also spend hours a day stocking the cellar, editing the list, and viewing for new vino. (Of course, the latter is often called upon to assist with other tasks which generally results in much tension after closing.)

Of Note:
- Amongst the first waiter's jobs are watching patrons eat, and telling the kitchen to fire the next course when they are near done. So, if you plan to make that phone call, smoke a cig, or have sex in the bathroom in between courses, let them know or you're food will be cold!
- All varieties of servers will tell you that the kitchen hates when plates come back unfinished; it may affect your next course!
- And, yes, the tips are split proportionately between the staff.