What the Hell is a Kumquat?

Maturity has never been my strongpoint, and merely mouthing the word, kumquat (alternatively spelled, cumquat), still elicits a giggle from me; fortunately for my ego, I noticed that the term conjured the same crass reaction from a room filled with my fellow thirty somethings.
Recently, I have taken the contrarian route and begun referring to these fruits by their alternate appellation, kinkans. (Sadly, kinkan is not much better; in fact it sounds like foreplay before the kumquat.) If all this word-play excites you and creates a catalyst for etymological inquiries, I will briefly note the etymology which stems from the Cantonese phrase for golden orange, gam gwat.

Now that we were able to dismiss with the childish chicanery, on to the topic at hand. What is a kumquat? Well, thanks for asking!
The kumquat is often mistaken for a miniature orange, and when it was first introduced to the Occident in 1846 by noted Orientalist, rather Horticulturalist, Robert Fortune, it was placed in the Citrus genus, but time told a tangential tale, and ultimately, a correction was enacted, transferring the fruit to the, modestly monikered, genus Fortunella.
While we are cultivating kinkan, and playing games, I will submit the following dominant description. The fruit is occasionally elliptical, but more often than not, the kumquat resembles a ping pong ball in size and ranges from tennis ball yellow to basketball orange.
Simply speaking, the skin and flesh of the fruit are sweet, and the interior, nether regions are sour and extraordinarily tart, sometimes to the point of inedibility. The interior also yields a sticky juice. (It's funny because it's true!) Biting into one is a bit baffling to the body, the back of the brain is pondering pepper, and the front is screaming orange, but the palate is writing it's own dissenting opinion: neither. The sweet taste is not that of spring, but rather of fire in winter, a hidden nucleus of candy that must be freed of it's protective shell; teeth breaking through the neon skin is a jouissance of sorts. However, the liberation is short lived, as it is often followed by a caustic combination of acid, pepper, and lemon; even worse, this cutting cocktail is often served all over the place in as the liquid shrapnel flies about. One must eat the kumquat like the soup dumpling, with gentle nibbles.

What should I do with these things?
- One of the major uses of the kumquat is decoration. A bowl of our featured fruit resembles a Cezanne, if not a Picasso, and many golden oranges are cruelly left uneaten. Further, the evergreen tree yielding the kumquat is a traditional Christmas decoration in many parts of the world.
- Eat them as is! (But watch out for the center!)
- Some of establishments which shall remain nameless on account of my benevolence use them as martini garnishes. Okay, this is just dumb. The fruit are too large and unwieldy, and, oh yeah, the flavor is not complimentary to gin... at all.
- Jelly, Marmalade, etceteras.
- In Chinatown, candied kumquats abound, and I'll be damned if there not tasty!
- Of course, a great chef can use just about any ingredient in countless ways; so, be alert for purees, vinaigrettes, and cameos in salads.