Gotham Gastronomy

A Virtual Vase for the Flowers of Food and the Whorls of Wine...

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

How do you tell if your Manhattan restaurant is racist? A manual.

Nota bene: Another installment in our visiting scholar/blogger series; Dr. Ortolan holds a doctorate from Harvard* and served as sous-chef at Hizzoner's in Chicago from January 1996 until March of that year. He is currently working on the definitive compendium of first-growth Temecula wines.

How do you know your restaurant is racist? (inspired by events).
by Finale Whortolan, JF

1. Food w/french or british roots is called "classic" on the menu; that of brown people: "world," "ethnic"...

2. The waiter asks you three times, "you're sure you don't need help with the wine," even when you've ordered a 90 Roumier P-M, while the white guy sitting next to you gets an "excellent choice," for an overbearing, fruit bomb napa excrescence from Smith-Madrone.

3. A two-star restaurant asks you for I.D. when you pay.

4. Woman asks you to describe your bag twice at coat-check.

5. Another couple gives you the ticket for coat check and no one comes to clear up the confusion--maybe they think you work there as well.

6. You explain that "mulligatawny" soup is tamil (south indian language) for "pepper water" and the waiter tells you that the indians stole the word from "british"-- which he believes is a language separate from english. You explain that the british colonized the subcontinent and he tells you it was a joint decision.

7. The waiter asks you "where are you from?" and you say california, and he doesn't believe you, proceeding to ask where you are "really from," and then, in frustration tells your alabaster-skin companion, that people are so "sensitive" these days.

8. You return to the restaurant and start checking in coats for others (aka colonialism).

9. You start to show I.D. with your credit card, just as a preventative measure.

10. You ask, and they say, "Yes, of course we are. We're French."

Next week: How to tell if your Manhattan restaurant is sexist.
Stay tuned

* The J.F. or "Junior Fellowship" was designated the equivalent of the Ph.D. by President Lowell and Harvard trustees in 1933. The directors of G.G. have not been able to obtain independent confirmation of the existence of Hizzoner's restaurant.

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